Botswana: Get busy living or get busy dying

Ruth from work took us to her near by village where she is part of the Royal family

This picture is self-explanatory.

Today was the last day we were with our counselor training course group. Jen and I felt a little sad walking to Lifeline knowing we would have to say goodbye to the people we have come become close with the most through self disclosure. We couldn’t anticipate the emotion the group would go through by the end of the session. We began by describing our past, present and future drawing. I explained how my past was happy and that all I remember from my childhood were times of laughter and joy. My present picture was a stick figure drawing of me holding two books in my hand.

This symbolized how I am in the process of learning as much as I can; I am getting all the educating I can and developing spiritually and mentally. I also mentioned how I am doing this in preparation for whatever might lye ahead because I have a feeling its going to be something big. My future was a picture of me standing in front of a podium talking about education, our duties as Americans and speaking about my personal experiences. I realize I thirst for knowledge so I can educate those around me. Its weird but I feel as though I get some sort of high from learning more about others. The other night I had a conversation from 9pm til 3am with Karabo, Titus and Chris about any topic under the sun ex. Politics, religion, real estate, healthcare, relationships, dating, different types of alcohol and how they are made. We could have stayed up until sunrise.

After I finished presenting my third grade drawing Jen spoke about her past job at a pre abortion clinic where she did pre abortion counseling. She realized this is a touchy subject and that many people might not agree with her but she wanted to remain open minded and answer and questions people might have. Many questions were about feelings of guilt, the process itself and the type of individuals who seek this type of counseling. We were both surprised on how responsive the group was. Jen ended up speaking and discussing for about an hour.

Next I presented on my past of working at Sarah Moore Home and talked about grief counseling with elders. I explained the best way I have found to comfort grief is to talk about it. Get it out there in the open. If someone cries encourage them. Don’t be afraid to talk about what they might think is going to happen after they pass. No one knows the sure answer to that but its important to explore their belief and help them realize what they might expect. Along with grief in elders usually comes anxiety and depression. I explained that you want to make sure they are not losing interest in activities they like to participate in, make sure they are socializing and more importantly taking care of themselves by eating and bathing.

I have a fond belief that people chose when they want to die. I’ve read about it, I’ve talked to elders about it and I have experienced the process. Let me explain. I remember back to a resident who had cancer and was dying and I could tell every time that I saw her she was going to make it to the next time I see her. The last time I saw her she was still okay but I knew the end was near and that was okay for me because I know she was okay with it. I read that most people hold on until they are alone because they do not want their loved ones to see them go. I think this is very admirable but at the same time I understand struggle to hold on to those you don’t want to say goodbye to just yet. I think when I reach that stage of my life I will look back knowing I gave life all that I had, achieved all I wanted and saw as much as I possibly could.

As I spoke to the class I couldn’t help but encourage them to not be afraid of death. Don’t be afraid of dying but rather be afraid of not living. One gentlemen in the group asked if a lot of the residents felt remorse about their life as they neared death and I told him that the people who live their lives to the fullest aren’t afraid to die because they are the ones waking up everyday thankful, continuing their life. Living and loving it. I understand why people are afraid of doing most the things that some do. Don’t go sky diving you might die. I’m going to let everyone in on a little secret. You might die of a heart attack in your sleep, you might die in a car crash on the way to work, you might even wake up and discover you have an incurable disease. Don’t waste your life holding back of the risk of dying because life itself is a risk. Tomorrow is never promised today and life is too short to live in fear. Fear will either motivate you to do something or it will get the best of you and keep you from succeeding. I am reading a book right now by Tony Robins and one quote I love is “A person will either believe they are going to succeed or fail, both are right.” I feel sad to think that I am only twenty four and I felt I have lived more than many people have. I realize I have been VERY privileged because I have warm and loving parents who have supported and encouraged me to see as much as I possibly can but I want to gloat for a moment and write down the experiences in my life that I have been blessed to participate in and that have opened my eyes the most: Woodstock 99, Yellowstone National Park, New Years Even in Time Square New York (2 times), visit over forty states, live in Hollywood for 5 months, Snorkel in Hawaii, Go on a cruise to Mexico, 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, John Glenn space launch (oldest man to orbit the earth), 1997 Rose Bowl (I was interviewed on National Television), Taught a college course, been rejected MANY times by women only to find the right one, pay for my own masters degree, jump into a frozen lake and raised $1,000 in two years for Special Olympics, ate cow stomach, Drive across the entire country with my Father, achieve two bachelor degrees, sing at Radio City music hall, helped ten under classmen pick a major, encouraged a girl to follow her dream of going to Vegas and campaigning for Hillary two years ago and now she works for Obama. I made it a point that to not mention anything from this trip to Africa because I want to wait to write about it letter.

New York City, Time Square 07-08

I want to copy and paste the Bucket List I wrote a year ago that I looked at for the first time since then two days ago.

Things I would like to do before I die

1) Skydive

2) Run a marathon

3) Bench 300 pounds

4) Influence an atheist that god does exist

5) Write a book about my life

6) Give a speech in front of a large crowd (1,000 people)

7) Pay for my father and I to go on vacation

8) drive a dodge viper

9) Invent something great

10) Save someone’s life physically or mentally

11) Visit over 50 different countries

12) Learn to ball room dance

13) Watching the sunrise/sunset in a foreign country Done

14) Snorkel the great barrier reef

15) Learn a 2^nd language

16) Learn a 3^rd language

17) Give blood

The only reason I did this was so show how much progress one can make when they put their mind to it. My only wish is that one person who reads this realizes something they have always wanted to do but it sounded “crazy” or “that’s not for me”. Please down that little sound with some Bon Jovie Living on a prayer and dare to face fear and understand there is no such thing as mistakes only learning experiences.

After my little motivational talk to the class a lot of people realized they have been holding back and whether they should choose to take a leap of faith and step out of the rut they are in. There were two highlights to my day. My supervisor Vicki told Jen and I that we have inspired her to continue her dream of going back to school, getting her masters and starting her own practice. She mentioned how she got so wrapped up in the everyday routines that she forgot what was important to her and what made her truly happy. I think we all tend to do this at times. At one point or another we are content with a satisfactory life rather than chasing what we are passionate about. I believe you cannot teach passion and if you find something that gets you blood pumping and grabs your attention to go for it. The second highlight was that I was given the opportunity to explain Alzheimer’s to the group, the stages, progression and how it worked. I explained how you begin with a little circle and that is how you are as an infant, you cannot speak you are unaware of anything around you, next draw a bigger circle around that one this represents your cognition as a toddler, then adolescence, early adult and so on. As you Alzheimer’s progresses the circle begins to erase starting with the oldest memories and you forget what you are doing there and where you left things. The next stage you erase you forget that your loved one has passed away and that you are living in at an age about twenty years prior. This progression happens all the way until the circles go down to the smallest and only circle which represent the infant mind. At this point the brain loses all ability and crashes. I hope this was some what understand. If you are having trouble comprehending this please get a piece a paper and begin drawing circles and making bigger ones which represent the older stages of life. I was glad I was able to teach the class about something they were unfamiliar with and that my mentor in undergrad, Lisa Yehl, was able to teach me.

After the session we went around the room and ended with a feeling. This is when members began getting emotional. The first lady to speak was a middle forties single parent and she began to tear up as she explained how much we have impacted her life during the short amount of time in her life. Another person mentioned how we are exactly where we need to be and that they were looking forward to emailing us in the U.S. and asking questions about counseling or anything for that matter or to keep in touch. One man even had a gift wrapped for Jen and I, I received a totem key chain made from bone. He was going to get me ivory but he knew there were rules against bringing this back to the U.S. The next person to speak was a middle twenties male who explained how when they were first approached about us entering their closed group he was totally against the idea, mostly because he didn’t know us and would feel uncomfortable. He admitted to regretting those feelings now and that he was very sad to see us leave and that we had helped him with our knowledge and positive feedback.

Here was a picture of our counseling class.

Another woman said even though we were masters and doctoral students we did not act like we were any better than them. She then became choked up as he thanked us for everything. The next girl disclosed some important information one last time as she announced to the class that she was uncertain of her direction in life and that she was going to get her Masters in Business Administration upon completing the counseling class but Jen and I’s presence has changed her mind and encouraged her to pursue an education in a field she feels much more passionate about, counseling. I thanked her for sharing that and told her that she needs to pursue whatever she is passionate about and that success will follow. It was hard saying by to everyone, this group made my Botswana experience life changing. I heard stories most people couldn’t imagine, things I would never wish upon anyone. These stories were exactly what I needed to hear to put my life in perspective.

We ended by giving hugs, some held on for minutes as they didn’t want to let go. Others held my hand as I stood talking to them. The people of Botswana are so caring and giving that you really do feel as though you are leaving with a piece of them inside you. I cannot explain the love these people have for life, each other and everyday life. Trying to describe the culture of Africa and the people you encounter would be like trying to explain sight to a blind man. No matter how much you want them to feel what you have its not possible, you have to be there, see it and live it. I cannot say all of Africa is as friendly and peaceful as Botswana but I believe the continent is misunderstood. You must experience something before you judge it. If this trip has inspired me to do anything it’s to learn about all existences of life. I want to learn more about the people I misunderstood first because I will benefit the most from this.

Here is a picture of a chief of near by villave