Get busy living or get busy dying

Ruth from work took us to her near by village where she is part of the Royal family



This picture is self-explanatory.

Today was the last day we were with our counselor training course group. Jen and I felt a little sad walking to Lifeline knowing we would have to say goodbye to the people we have come become close with the most through self disclosure. We couldn’t anticipate the emotion the group would go through by the end of the session. We began by describing our past, present and future drawing. I explained how my past was happy and that all I remember from my childhood were times of laughter and joy. My present picture was a stick figure drawing of me holding two books in my hand.

This symbolized how I am in the process of learning as much as I can; I am getting all the educating I can and developing spiritually and mentally. I also mentioned how I am doing this in preparation for whatever might lye ahead because I have a feeling its going to be something big. My future was a picture of me standing in front of a podium talking about education, our duties as Americans and speaking about my personal experiences. I realize I thirst for knowledge so I can educate those around me. Its weird but I feel as though I get some sort of high from learning more about others. The other night I had a conversation from 9pm til 3am with Karabo, Titus and Chris about any topic under the sun ex. Politics, religion, real estate, healthcare, relationships, dating, different types of alcohol and how they are made. We could have stayed up until sunrise.

After I finished presenting my third grade drawing Jen spoke about her past job at a pre abortion clinic where she did pre abortion counseling. She realized this is a touchy subject and that many people might not agree with her but she wanted to remain open minded and answer and questions people might have. Many questions were about feelings of guilt, the process itself and the type of individuals who seek this type of counseling. We were both surprised on how responsive the group was. Jen ended up speaking and discussing for about an hour.

Next I presented on my past of working at Sarah Moore Home and talked about grief counseling with elders. I explained the best way I have found to comfort grief is to talk about it. Get it out there in the open. If someone cries encourage them. Don’t be afraid to talk about what they might think is going to happen after they pass. No one knows the sure answer to that but its important to explore their belief and help them realize what they might expect. Along with grief in elders usually comes anxiety and depression. I explained that you want to make sure they are not losing interest in activities they like to participate in, make sure they are socializing and more importantly taking care of themselves by eating and bathing.

I have a fond belief that people chose when they want to die. I’ve read about it, I’ve talked to elders about it and I have experienced the process. Let me explain. I remember back to a resident who had cancer and was dying and I could tell every time that I saw her she was going to make it to the next time I see her. The last time I saw her she was still okay but I knew the end was near and that was okay for me because I know she was okay with it. I read that most people hold on until they are alone because they do not want their loved ones to see them go. I think this is very admirable but at the same time I understand struggle to hold on to those you don’t want to say goodbye to just yet. I think when I reach that stage of my life I will look back knowing I gave life all that I had, achieved all I wanted and saw as much as I possibly could.

As I spoke to the class I couldn’t help but encourage them to not be afraid of death. Don’t be afraid of dying but rather be afraid of not living. One gentlemen in the group asked if a lot of the residents felt remorse about their life as they neared death and I told him that the people who live their lives to the fullest aren’t afraid to die because they are the ones waking up everyday thankful, continuing their life. Living and loving it. I understand why people are afraid of doing most the things that some do. Don’t go sky diving you might die. I’m going to let everyone in on a little secret. You might die of a heart attack in your sleep, you might die in a car crash on the way to work, you might even wake up and discover you have an incurable disease. Don’t waste your life holding back of the risk of dying because life itself is a risk. Tomorrow is never promised today and life is too short to live in fear. Fear will either motivate you to do something or it will get the best of you and keep you from succeeding. I am reading a book right now by Tony Robins and one quote I love is “A person will either believe they are going to succeed or fail, both are right.” I feel sad to think that I am only twenty four and I felt I have lived more than many people have. I realize I have been VERY privileged because I have warm and loving parents who have supported and encouraged me to see as much as I possibly can but I want to gloat for a moment and write down the experiences in my life that I have been blessed to participate in and that have opened my eyes the most: Woodstock 99, Yellowstone National Park, New Years Even in Time Square New York (2 times), visit over forty states, live in Hollywood for 5 months, Snorkel in Hawaii, Go on a cruise to Mexico, 1996 Olympics in Atlanta, John Glenn space launch (oldest man to orbit the earth), 1997 Rose Bowl (I was interviewed on National Television), Taught a college course, been rejected MANY times by women only to find the right one, pay for my own masters degree, jump into a frozen lake and raised $1,000 in two years for Special Olympics, ate cow stomach, Drive across the entire country with my Father, achieve two bachelor degrees, sing at Radio City music hall, helped ten under classmen pick a major, encouraged a girl to follow her dream of going to Vegas and campaigning for Hillary two years ago and now she works for Obama. I made it a point that to not mention anything from this trip to Africa because I want to wait to write about it letter.

New York City, Time Square 07-08

I want to copy and paste the Bucket List I wrote a year ago that I looked at for the first time since then two days ago.

Things I would like to do before I die

1) Skydive

2) Run a marathon

3) Bench 300 pounds

4) Influence an atheist that god does exist

5) Write a book about my life

6) Give a speech in front of a large crowd (1,000 people)

7) Pay for my father and I to go on vacation

8) drive a dodge viper

9) Invent something great

10) Save someone’s life physically or mentally

11) Visit over 50 different countries

12) Learn to ball room dance

13) Watching the sunrise/sunset in a foreign country Done

14) Snorkel the great barrier reef

15) Learn a 2^nd language

16) Learn a 3^rd language

17) Give blood

The only reason I did this was so show how much progress one can make when they put their mind to it. My only wish is that one person who reads this realizes something they have always wanted to do but it sounded “crazy” or “that’s not for me”. Please down that little sound with some Bon Jovie Living on a prayer and dare to face fear and understand there is no such thing as mistakes only learning experiences.

After my little motivational talk to the class a lot of people realized they have been holding back and whether they should choose to take a leap of faith and step out of the rut they are in. There were two highlights to my day. My supervisor Vicki told Jen and I that we have inspired her to continue her dream of going back to school, getting her masters and starting her own practice. She mentioned how she got so wrapped up in the everyday routines that she forgot what was important to her and what made her truly happy. I think we all tend to do this at times. At one point or another we are content with a satisfactory life rather than chasing what we are passionate about. I believe you cannot teach passion and if you find something that gets you blood pumping and grabs your attention to go for it. The second highlight was that I was given the opportunity to explain Alzheimer’s to the group, the stages, progression and how it worked. I explained how you begin with a little circle and that is how you are as an infant, you cannot speak you are unaware of anything around you, next draw a bigger circle around that one this represents your cognition as a toddler, then adolescence, early adult and so on. As you Alzheimer’s progresses the circle begins to erase starting with the oldest memories and you forget what you are doing there and where you left things. The next stage you erase you forget that your loved one has passed away and that you are living in at an age about twenty years prior. This progression happens all the way until the circles go down to the smallest and only circle which represent the infant mind. At this point the brain loses all ability and crashes. I hope this was some what understand. If you are having trouble comprehending this please get a piece a paper and begin drawing circles and making bigger ones which represent the older stages of life. I was glad I was able to teach the class about something they were unfamiliar with and that my mentor in undergrad, Lisa Yehl, was able to teach me.

After the session we went around the room and ended with a feeling. This is when members began getting emotional. The first lady to speak was a middle forties single parent and she began to tear up as she explained how much we have impacted her life during the short amount of time in her life. Another person mentioned how we are exactly where we need to be and that they were looking forward to emailing us in the U.S. and asking questions about counseling or anything for that matter or to keep in touch. One man even had a gift wrapped for Jen and I, I received a totem key chain made from bone. He was going to get me ivory but he knew there were rules against bringing this back to the U.S. The next person to speak was a middle twenties male who explained how when they were first approached about us entering their closed group he was totally against the idea, mostly because he didn’t know us and would feel uncomfortable. He admitted to regretting those feelings now and that he was very sad to see us leave and that we had helped him with our knowledge and positive feedback.

Here was a picture of our counseling class.

Another woman said even though we were masters and doctoral students we did not act like we were any better than them. She then became choked up as he thanked us for everything. The next girl disclosed some important information one last time as she announced to the class that she was uncertain of her direction in life and that she was going to get her Masters in Business Administration upon completing the counseling class but Jen and I’s presence has changed her mind and encouraged her to pursue an education in a field she feels much more passionate about, counseling. I thanked her for sharing that and told her that she needs to pursue whatever she is passionate about and that success will follow. It was hard saying by to everyone, this group made my Botswana experience life changing. I heard stories most people couldn’t imagine, things I would never wish upon anyone. These stories were exactly what I needed to hear to put my life in perspective.

We ended by giving hugs, some held on for minutes as they didn’t want to let go. Others held my hand as I stood talking to them. The people of Botswana are so caring and giving that you really do feel as though you are leaving with a piece of them inside you. I cannot explain the love these people have for life, each other and everyday life. Trying to describe the culture of Africa and the people you encounter would be like trying to explain sight to a blind man. No matter how much you want them to feel what you have its not possible, you have to be there, see it and live it. I cannot say all of Africa is as friendly and peaceful as Botswana but I believe the continent is misunderstood. You must experience something before you judge it. If this trip has inspired me to do anything it’s to learn about all existences of life. I want to learn more about the people I misunderstood first because I will benefit the most from this.

Here is a picture of a chief of near by villave

Heres and awesome Italian Restaurant we ate last night

Here is the lifeline volunteer staff mostly made up of University of Botswana students

International Counseling Conference

I just returned from the International Counseling conference and although the attendance wasn’t what I thought it was going to be the emotional expectation was met. This is my first time speaking at a conference none the less to Doctors and Professionals. I was excited to speak but I felt a few other people were nervous. I think I was given the gift of public speaking because I love attention and I love to spread knowledge and experience to others. We were asked questions about if we have changed from our experience, our initial impressions and how we perceived their culture. All six of us on the panel had very interesting learning experiences and we appreciated being able to share those experiences with the people in the audience. I spoke about how I thought the country wouldn’t be as industrialized as it is and how I was surprised when I saw a hummer at the Gaborone airport. I also mentioned how I am going to let this experience impact the rest of my life.

What can I do to help people back home and how can I come back here to help people. The best part about speaking in this conference is the high level of understanding. No matter what you were saying or how you described everyone felt what you felt. One member on the panel began to tear up and it was almost like a chain reaction. We have seen things that no one in America can imagine. How do we take this experience back home with us and appreciate things the way everyone else does, we can’t. I feel as if trying to explain this experience to people is like trying to explain sight to a blind man. No matter how hard you want them to understand the same feeling you experienced, you can’t. I was approached afterwards by a lady who asked me what I plan on doing about this and I had to be honest and tell her I don’t know yet. I will do my best to educate people, to influence positive change and to make people aware of their behavior and actions. Ignorance is curable, I am living proof.

Lifeline class

We only had two classes left in our counseling course at Lifeline. We start each class by everyone describing how they feel that morning. Today moral was down as most people said they felt upset, angry or sad. As we went around the room one person even broke down in tears when they spoke about their problem. We had a homework assignment to draw three different pictures on the front of a paper of our past, present and future. We also discussed three different theories of human development, Eric Erickson Model, Jean Piaget and Sigmund Freud. We discussed the differences in all three models and the stages of development which included his milestones that typically met at each age.

When our class discussed their past, present and future paper models I was hesitant to go because I knew we would not get through everyone and I knew these people have paid for the course and could get more out of it so I did not volunteer to go. One girl that did go had an interesting issue that was going on in her life. A few months ago she began reading a book (something Power) and she said she had an encounter with god. She said she couldn’t sleep, eat, and that she was writing a lot. This description gave me a flashback to my clinical pathology class winter quarter when we had a guest manic borderline personality speaker. He described the same feelings and actions and I couldn’t help but think the two situations were congruent. She then described how she was going through a change in her life and how she dropped out of school and wanted to be closer with god and practice religion. At that moment another group member raised his hand to state his opinion on the subject. He explained how he was once training to become a pastor when he decided to quit religion. He went in to detail by telling us religion is a man made belief, he didn’t believe that people should not believe in religions because it gives people faith and hope. There is no right religion, there are only differences in opinions on what humans believe may or may not happen. Religion itself was formed from a human brain. Everyone interprets the bible differently the only true belief we can believe in is life experience itself. The things that take place, the moments that happen right when you need them, the circumstances that turn into good experiences, faith that turns into reality.

I respect a lot of what Alfred was saying because he spoke truth from his heart. His experience has lead him to believe that God is one big question mark that people want to find the answer to. That is the grandest question and it’s the human drive to seek answers that leave people in confusion, its belief that gives us comfort in where we are. I would never want to seem as though I am mocking some ones belief but to encourage them to pursue it. Without belief and hope we are a dead soul, trust me I have seen it.

Sitting here right now my supervisor Vicki just finished a counseling session with a severely depressed client who has tried to commit suicide and was on the verge of another attempt. This client had lost hope, had nothing to live for even though he had a good job, family, girlfriend, yet he was still unsatisfied with life. He has no faith and his only hope was one last shot at counseling. The fist two sessions seemed hopeless and Vicki was concerned for his well being. This is the hardest part about counseling, not knowing if your client will show up to his next session or in the front page of the obituaries. He walked in today (Tuesday July 7^th) with a smile on his face. He decided to change his life and with Vicki’s encouraging words he decided work was too much for him and he is changing careers. He felt like it was a new beginning and sky was the limit. In a way Vicki saved his life. Who knows what this man could go on to achieve from here and the impact he might have someone else’s life.

Monipeloli

This morning we had our counseling class gave a presentation on whether being gay or lesbian was a choice? I explained the Kinsey scale and how some people fell somewhere on the scale. I also presented some political views from both Botswana and the United States. Gay or lesbian acts are illegal in Botswana and can be punished with prison time. I explained to the class how homosexuality is still a debating topic in our country however we have come a long way with equal rights. I was not surprised with the presentations of the other students in our counseling class. Many of them were opinionated and they stated homosexual stereotypes as facts, Jen and I felt it was not our place to correct them because this might be a cultural difference. We felt the only way to educate them without being disrespectful was during our presentations so I tried my best to describe something I was quite familiar with, the laws of attraction. I explained how you can’t choose who you are attracted to but being homosexual is a choice because you can choose to act on the person you might be attracted to whether they be male or female.

A few of the presentations were very open and honest and they looked at all possibilities including research and studies that have been done on the topic of homosexuality. I was tempted to ask questions to those who said homosexuality might be cause out of frustration of the opposite sex or because they wanted to be different from everyone else. I like how one girl did pick up on how homosexuality used to be in the DSM as a mental disorder however it was taken out after more studies were done exempting the possibility.

In the afternoon Vicki had promised to take us to Montepeloli which is a village about 60 kilometers from Gabs. It ended up taking us about an hour and twenty minutes to get there. We saw some very interesting scenery on our journey though. There were random goats, cows and donkeys crossing the road at free will. There were children walking up and down the side dirt roads bare foot. It was sad passing hundreds and hundreds of people trying to make a living on the side of the road by selling individual pieces of candy. Many of their homes were one room huts with straw roofs. As we came closer to the Lifeline center at Montepeloli we passed hundreds of school kids just getting at out of school and walking down the road venturing home. As we came closer to where we thought was going to the Montepeloli Lifeline center the paved road turned into dirt and the car ride became very bumpy from there.

When we pulled up we realized that we were visiting a private school which had a Lifeline Center in it. As we waited for Vicki’s friend to come I asked to use the restroom and they gave me a disgruntled look and I didn’t know why until I realized they do not have running water so until they received water my urine would have to sit in the toilet and mellow. We waited a few minutes until two women walked in with huge smiles and open arms speaking Setswana. One of them was the principal who started the school five years ago. She took us into a classroom a few rooms down and we sate in a small eight by eight corner, this was their “Lifeline Center”. Her and Vicki began talking and catching up on what’s new. She then told Vicki that she had taken in three kids from the school because they needed guidance. The three children all coming from different families were dealing with their parents going through a divorce and she took them in so they did not get caught up in the custody battle. She finds that this is the best way for the parents to agree without manipulating the child. The forth child she took in was a twelve year old orphan whose twin sister just passed away from Aids. When the two were born one was born HIV positive and the other HIV negative. She discussed with us that the child has not shown much emotion over her sister’s death and she was going to let her grieve on her own until she feels the time is right. She also mentioned how many of the children that are born with HIV at the school get frustrated and upset. They act this way because since the day they are born they have to take ARV’s to slow down the HIV process the frustration comes in because they wonder why they have this virus, “we didn’t ask for this, we didn’t do anything wrong”. Good question children. Jen and I looked at each other in disbelief but reality quickly hit us when the girl walked in to meet us with her chin held high and a beaming smile. They have to teach these kids to not grieve over their loved ones otherwise they would be grieving rather than enjoying their own life. I understand this concept but it’s hard to say goodbye to a loved one in passing especially when all you have in your life is a twin sister. The principal, I forgot her name but I will find out before I leave, runs the school with over 230 children, eight teachers, limited funds, clothing, food and teachers. She also takes four orphans home with her every night to take care for on top of her own three biological children not to mention she is a single parent that recently went through a divorce, talk about strength. This woman enjoys every moment she has with these kids and enjoys life to the fullest while providing more than any one else can imagine.

The children came in and played their African instruments for us which I was able to get a video of.

They were amazing and full of spirit I felt blessed to be sitting in their presence at that very moment.

Presidents Day (Our day off)

We have the day off today for Presidents Day. I am proud to say that I have Barak Obama making decisions in office and that he is doing his best to provide equality and more healthcares for everyone in our nation. After breakfast Mandy and I decided to go to River Walk mall with a few others to go shopping. I bought a shirt for the Rascal Flatts concert next month and another t-shirt. When we got back we finished our movie 7 pounds with Will Smith, it was a very touching movie with a good message. We then decided as a group to go to Gaborone Game Reserve to see some animals since the anticipation for the Game Drive at the end of our trip was becoming too much. On the drive we saw deer, antelope, ostrich, warthogs and monkeys. It was very relaxing and got us all excited to go up north and see the bigger and exciting animals. We stopped to go to the restroom before leaving the park and we found an area where there were about fifteen to twenty monkeys jumping around playing with each other and climbing trees. There was even one who jumped onto a movie jeep and stood on the side mirror as the driver sat and waited for the monkey to leap off the car.

When we left the Game Reserve we headed to Khali Park near game city to go for a hike up a mountain to watch the sunset. The path was very rocky and unsteady luckily everyone made it up safely. When we reached the top we were all left speechless at the beautiful surrounding below us. We took many pictures and climbed the highest rocks possible to get the best pictures. The pictures I am posting will explain our view better than me putting it in words.

Katie, Meg and I chilling at the top of the mountain.

Amazing view, you can see for miles.

Beautiful sunset!!!

I call this picture "Mandy and Zach tackle the globe"

We were all starving by the time we reached the bottom of the mountain so we decided to go to Hagan’s Irish Pub for dinner. The five girls and I at my table decided to order a flaming Lamborghini which was three different shots mixed into one but you had to drink it with a straw while it was lit on fire and then the shots were added. I was the genie pig of the group and went first while Dr. Pillay took pictures. It was quite thrilling but I got scared when I became to feel heat coming up the straw and quit a tad bit too early. Everyone at our table followed after me and loved every minute of it, the shot only came out to be about $5 or $6 a piece.

Dr. Pillay also sat at our table which gave me the opportunity to talk a little bit about the program and compare it to past study abroad experiences. To my surprise we seem to be a lot more laid back than most groups. I think that might have to do with having a larger number of people and this allow us to have more outlets. I think another part which might contribute to this is that a lot of us already know each other and that the meetings before hand got us familiar with one another.

Our service at Hagan’s made the overall experience below satisfactory. Our food took two hours from the time we got there and they didn’t have two separate things that people in our group had ordered but failed to mention until the time we were expecting our food. Our drivers became frustrated and eventually came in from the parking lot and “accidentally” put their drinks on our tab. When Mandy confronted them they said they asked the waiter if that would be easier. First of all who wants to pay for their bus drivers alcohol drinks right before he drives you home, second the guy Mandy asked has been shady in the past with money so it was good we asked. While we waited in the parking lot I was made aware that Meg Mealy has an official stocker. A few weeks ago Meg was talking to a gentleman at the bar and the guy’s sister wanted the two to date. Meg never called him after leaving that night and just so happens she ran into Meg at Hagan’s that night. Well she followed us out of the club that night and was looking under cars trying to find Meg so that should could go meet up with her brother. The people of Botswana are persistent and come on very strong if you cannot tell already. We had very adventurous day and I thinkg everyone on the trip had a great experience.

Conversation with Dr. Pillay at dinner

At dinner last night we had a discussion with Dr. Pillay after dinner that I found very enlightening. He explained how he grew up in South Africa and what it was like to have four different segregated communities living in their society. He also mentioned how if anyone was caught violating their segregation laws how people would be prosecuted. I cannot fathom how cruel society might have treated people of a different race during his childhood. Another point that cleared up some of the racism for me was our discussion of how government divided up the funds. Caucasian’s received about eighty percent of the funding, Indian heritage received about 5 to 7 percent, Colored (mixture of white and black) people as they were called received about ten percent and then Indigenous Africans received the lowest amount of money in the budget with less than five percent even though they were the majority of the population in South Africa at the time. There was one college for Indians, Blacks and Coloreds and many university and colleges for Caucasians. The government had it fixed so that the other three races were not empowered. Dr. Pillay discussed how he was a rare case to success because he was granted a scholarship by Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Without this scholarship he would not have had the funs for the education he needed.

I was shocked when he explained how much he has developed since he was young and how he to had prejudices. I find it fascinating how he took that anger and education and used it to help people understand their own cultural biases. Dr. Pillay set a goal of helping people think about and change their cultural awareness through education. I can personally say he has done that for me. Where I was a year ago and where I am now are completely different. I always wondered why he would want to live in a small community like Athens where there might be a lot of racism or misunderstanding. Now I understand that he wanted to take students who are misinformed or misunderstand cultures and help them come to the realization that we all have biases and prejudices its how we deal with them and how we over come them that matter. I always thought of myself as culturally aware but now I realize that I just thought I understood different races, not culture.

After my trip to Africa I can say I understand that culture is more than skin color, more than heritage, its how one views their own life determined by their morals and values and that each and every individual on earth has their own culture. Although we do have cultural norms in a society that make up generalized cultures, I like to think of it like religion. People of the same religion might have the same belief however some may approach aspects of their life differently and that no one sees every circumstance exactly the same. My favorite quote from the night came from Dr. Pillay “Where there is different races, there will always be racism. Where there is different gender there will always be sexism. Thank you Dr. Pillay for helping me see that through academic course work and this amazing experience in Africa.

Counseling Class with Belly Dancer

Monday morning we had our counseling class and we were supposed to have our presentations. I wasn’t nervous although I didn’t put any research into my topic “how do you become Gay or a Lesbian?” and also the politics that surround the issue. I found it funny how out of six people in my group none of them felt comfortable enough talking about Gay and Lesbian politics. Does it have anything do with the fact that it is illegal to be homosexual in Botswana. You will be punished and taken to prison if you show a homosexual act in public. Vicki taught a lesson for the first hour and a half about Trust, taking care of self before you can help others, finding underlying issues and how to deal with low self esteem. After her lecture we had our presentations and one of the girls presenting played a hypnotherapy CD for us which I found very relaxing and positive. I spoke to her afterward and asked her if she could help teach me how to hypnotize people and she agreed to give me a book and a CD that will help teach me. She also brought in a belly dancer to perform a few dances and show us how to do the movements. I have a few videos of these but it was very interesting.

I think I could find it very useful to help hypnotize people’s train of thought to erase negative thoughts and replace the things that trigger those thoughts with positive feelings and emotions.